Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s most rewarding experiences. You’ve raised your own kids, gained a wealth of wisdom, and now you get to watch the next generation grow. But as any first-time grandparent will tell you, navigating how to give parenting advice can be tricky. Times have changed, and so have parenting styles. You may have strong opinions, but how can you share them in a way that’s both helpful and respectful? Here’s how grandparents can offer parenting advice that’s welcome, not overwhelming.
The Transition from Parent to Grandparent
Parenting advice is something every grandparent has to navigate. You’ve been in the trenches before—diaper duty, sleepless nights, school drop-offs—but now you’re in a different role. As a grandparent, you’ve graduated from the hands-on job of being a parent. Your new role is a little different: you’re more of a supportive guide.
One key to success in this transition is understanding the difference between parenting and grandparenting. Your job now is to be a source of love and guidance, not to take over. Respecting this boundary is the first step in making sure your advice is welcome. New parents want advice, but they also want to feel like they’re in control of how they raise their child.
For helpful tips on navigating grandparenting, consider picking up The Modern Grandparent’s Handbook: The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting here.
Understanding That Times Have Changed
While some parenting advice is timeless (like loving your child unconditionally), many things have changed since you were in the driver’s seat. From car seats to screen time, parenting methods and recommendations evolve with each generation.
It’s important to acknowledge this shift when offering advice. Start conversations with phrases like, “Back when I was raising kids, we did it this way, but I know things are different now.” This shows you respect modern parenting styles, even if they differ from your own experiences.
When You Have Different Beliefs: What to Do
It’s natural to have different beliefs when it comes to parenting, especially if you see your child raising their kids in ways that conflict with how you did it. Maybe you feel they’re being too strict, or not strict enough. Whatever the case, it’s crucial to remember that parenting advice, when unsolicited, can often feel like criticism.
Instead of jumping in with corrections, ask questions. For example, “I’ve noticed you’re handling this differently than I would have. What made you decide to go that route?” By asking questions, you open the door to a conversation rather than a lecture. And if your advice is asked for, be gentle and thoughtful in your response. Focus on offering support, not judgment.
Respecting Boundaries While Offering Parenting Advice
Parenting advice is tricky when boundaries aren’t respected. One of the most common sources of conflict between parents and grandparents is when boundaries are crossed, intentionally or not.
Respect the choices of the parents, even when you don’t agree. Whether it’s their choice of discipline, bedtime routines, or what they feed their child, these are their decisions to make. The best way to offer advice is by acknowledging their efforts first: “You’re doing a great job, and I love seeing how much you care for your child.” This opens the space for advice without it feeling forced.
When Parenting Advice Is Asked For: Seizing the Opportunity
If your child or their partner comes to you and asks for parenting advice, this is your chance! Remember, when they ask, they’re looking for guidance, not a directive. Keep your advice practical and positive. For example, if they’re struggling with bedtime routines, you could say, “What worked for me was setting a routine early and sticking with it. Maybe that could help?”
Offering specific examples from your experience can be more effective than generalized advice. It’s also okay to admit when you don’t know something—new parents will appreciate your honesty. There’s no shame in acknowledging that things have changed since your parenting days.
What If Your Parenting Advice Is Not Taken?
This might be the hardest pill to swallow: sometimes, your advice will be ignored. That’s okay. Just as you had the freedom to make your own choices as a parent, so do the new parents in your family. If they decide to go in a different direction, support them anyway.
Remember, your role is to love, not to control. It’s more important to maintain a healthy relationship with your children and grandchildren than to make sure your advice is followed to the letter.
The Power of Staying Positive
No matter how you feel about the parenting choices being made, always stay positive. Remember, your grandchild is being raised by parents who love them and want the best for them. By maintaining a supportive and positive attitude, you keep the lines of communication open, which means your advice will be more welcomed in the future.
Grandparents are often seen as the anchors of the family—your wisdom is valuable. By approaching conversations with love, empathy, and a willingness to listen, you’ll become a trusted source of support for the new parents in your family.
Conclusion
Handling parenting advice as a grandparent requires a delicate balance. Times have changed, and so have parenting styles, but your experience is still invaluable. By respecting the new parents’ decisions, offering your wisdom when asked, and staying positive, you can make sure your advice strengthens the family bond rather than causing friction.
Ultimately, the key is to embrace your role as a grandparent, providing love and support without taking control. It’s all about understanding boundaries and knowing when and how to offer advice. Whether you’re suggesting fun activities, sharing your parenting wisdom, or simply being there for new parents, your role is to be a positive presence in their lives.
Looking for more ways to strengthen your bond with your grandchild? Take a look at 100+ Things To Do With Your Grandchildren: A How-To Guide for Grandparents by Grandparents here.
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